Not So Fast!

We are both really wiped out these days – the ongoing situation with my mother just wears on us both and there isn’t anything more we can do for her, but it is still so sad to know that she is ever-so-slowly slipping away from us. The doctor goes to visit her twice a week and she’s not in any pain, so we are just sort of stuck, and so is she. Perfectly awful.

Meanwhile “la vida” sort of does go on – we went to Costco today to pick up some things for our house, my mother’s house, and for various and sundry friends. I am on the trail of a new cell phone I in no way need, but nonetheless covet, and having done all the research and read all the reviews I am now ready to have the new one plunked into my eager hands. I of course know that before that can happen I must cross Carlos Slim’s (the gazillionaire owner of Telcel, the cell phone company) palm with silver – but I suspected it wouldn’t be all that easy to get this done. And yet undaunted, we went all the way in to Guadalajara thinking that maybe if we actually showed up at Telcel’s “Centro de Atencion a Clientes” (client service center) that we would get at least one step closer to actually being able to purchase the new phone.

Back in the States, you go into the cell phone store, Verizon or whatever it is, point at the phone you want, they give you a paper to sign, you walk out with the phone and its plug and cables in a pretty little bag and a new zillion-year contract which you probably don’t fully understand. But you at least have your new toy. But we know, of course, from past experience, that things that would be completely simple in the States are quite a bit more complicated a la Mexicana. “You want to actually pay us and walk out with a new phone? NOT SO FAST!” “But we want to make Carlos Slim even RICHER!!” Maybe in a week or two, but not just yet.

First of all, there are several Telcel client service centers scattered around the city, but could you CALL any of them to say “by any chance do you have this item in stock?” before you go traipsing all the way into town on a hot, smoggy day. No, you cannot. Nor can you even call Best Buy, which was my backup option if Telcel failed me, to see if maybe they had the model I wanted. You can only call a central number in Mexico City, and then THEY call the store for you and tell you someone will call you back with information about their inventory, which of course they never do, so you’re back where you started. Everyone will be more than happy to order it for you but it takes weeks to get there, if it ever does, and right now we aren’t in the mood to keep running into Guadalajara on wild goose chases.

Still, I remained (silly me!) optimistic that if we went to the client service center and actually forked over the cash I’d walk out of there with a new phone. No. Even though the current phone bill is paid, I still have to wait three or four more days before their glacial computer system finally recognizes that my bill is paid and permits me to purchase a new phone. Will we go back to Guadalajara – an hour’s drive – to deal with this after their computer has registered my payment in a week? Or will I try to deal with it, starting all over again, with a person at a Telcel distributor here in town? No matter how I slice it, the acquisition of this new phone will probably take a month before it’s actually done.  Now I’m thinking that I will take another tack and attempt this with one of the Telcel dealers here in town. Even though it’ll still take weeks, at least I can go in and harrass them and inquire about my order every few days without the hour’s drive into Guad. Stay tuned.

It never ceases to amaze us how when you actually want to purchase something – ready, willing and able – the bureaucracy rears its ugly head and the answer is NO, it just doesn’t/can’t/won’t work that way, Señora.  Oh well. At least Arnold and I had a nice lunch at an Italian restaurant in the  mall after we were rebuffed by Telcel and we got back home before the worst of the rush-hour traffic got started. I did manage to get a horrible headache from all of it though. Arnold says he thinks it’s just stress – my mother is dying, we’re scared to death that we’ll meet our maker in a gunfight or god knows what other horror show (though in fact it’s been pretty calm here, at least compared to other places in Mexico); our visas are in to the Immigration Department for renewal and there’s a big backlog and we might not be able to leave the country for our long-planned, and pre-paid (opera tickets and such) trip to New York in May. Stress? Surely he’s kidding!

Home Again….

Back from L.A. What a whirlwind! It was wonderful to spend hours talking with my sister Wendy (especially given our mother’s slow, awful decline), touch base with my family again and to see old friends from my school days. And it is always the same going to the States and then coming back – with a jolt –  to my reality at home. Where my sister lives there are those wide, clean, tree-lined streets, houses with immaculate gardens and clipped lawns; no discarded bags and bottles lying around, no stray dogs, and it is so quiet and peaceful at night that you can actually get some sleep. Then there is the astonishing variety of stuff in every market, with lots of stores open late for your shopping convenience. So tempting and I go nuts buying waaay too much stuff every time I cross the border. Of course it’s also retail therapy and there ARE things up there I can’t get down here…like petite sizes. Essential for five-foot-tall me. But I sort of go into a trance in those stores…Macy’s, Neiman Marcus, Target, even the huge and well-stocked pharmacies with all that fun drugstore makeup and other items I am sure I must have. Then when it’s time to pay, when I’ve first arrived back in the U.S., I always forget the swiping the credit card part. I stand there fishing into my wallet for cash (in Mexico EVERYTHING is cash, which is actually a very good thing, for me, at least) and they look at me like I’m crazy. Then I get with the program and prepare to fork over my credit card to the cashier and they say “no, Ma’am, you have to swipe it – over here. Just put it through the slot on the side”. Of course I know how to do this but I always forget – this is the way the stripe goes, and all that. Half the time you don’t even have to sign the little screen any more. In and out of the store, in a split second, your wallet lighter by some amount that seems very abstract.

But all good things must come to an end, and I am back home in the land of magical evenings and the riot of every flower in town coming into bloom, so it seems.  When I got back last night, Reina went nuts licking my face and Rosie and Missoni, the two kitties, purred and nuzzled and jumped on me and carried on, glad I was home. The carpenter delivered the new platform for our bed today and had a lot of fun playing with Reina, telling me his favorite show is “El Encantador de Perros” with Cesar Millan, dubbed into Spanish for Mexican television, naturalmente. I think how amazing it is that Cesar himself migrated to the U.S. to make his fortune training dogs, which he most assuredly has, (with his own foundation, even, not lost on me as a former foundation executive….) and how ironic that the Dog Whisperer show is now translated back to his native language for millions of his perro-loving Mexican compatriots. Carlos – the pool Carlos – wants to come over tomorrow and pick up the three months’ worth of payments we owe him. We keep telling him we would be happy to pay him every month if only he would drop off a bill once in a while. Gardener Carlos (we have many Carloses in our lives including Baby Carlos) worked for awhile this morning weeding and raking, but had to leave suddenly because his father-in-law Jorge called to say his truck broke down not too far from us and would he walk over and borrow our battery cables and try to get the engine started?

Rosa took very good care of Arnold while I was away, bringing fresh tamales for him to eat and not letting him lift a finger to do anything. Tomorrow she comes again to clean though everything is spotless from when she was here Monday. She left bouquets of fresh flowers all over the house to welcome me home. I know she will want to greet me and make sure nothing untoward has happened to the house in the past thirty-six hours….and I have to rig up how I am going to present the three little bathing suits I brought back for her grandchildren (America, Nicol, and Baby Carlos)…just hand them to her in a plastic bag? Get the kids to come over and have them unwrap each bathing suit and make more of a fuss? Not sure, depends on how busy I get later on in the week. We’ve been invited to a fiesta and I have to make dessert for seventeen people. I had assumed that the worst thing that had transpired in my absence was that Arnold found a half-dead alacran (scorpion) in the kitchen which he had to dispatch because the kitties were interested in playing with it. But before he took off to rescue Jorge, Carlos told me that there were four people shot and killed in town over the weekend – actually not too far from the famous donut shop — but no one seems to be all that concerned about it because it was “entre ellos” –  “between them” – meaning rival drug factions or a drug deal gone wrong or something like that. Just glad I wasn’t here. Very glad indeed that while all that was going on I was otherwise occupied at the open-till-midnight CVS drugstore prowling the eye makeup with my sister.

Ardillas Redux

Well, as we were basking yesterday morning in the felicitous outcome of our Baby Squirrel saga, we heard MORE terrified screeching from upstairs and it turned out that another tiny squirrel had been brought in by the cats! Ay Dios Mio. But this time we at least knew what to do and we offered to deliver this second baby straight to the Critter Squads’ offices, which thankfully (this being L.A.) are really close to where we are. It’s odd – we thought the cats were hunting, but maybe they are just trying to rescue them? Who knows.

For this second one was also, fortunately, in perfect condition – just scared and dehydrated, and it turned out that this one was a GIRL – Squirrel #1’s sister. Anyway they are now both in the good hands of the Critter Squad and we can go and visit them if we want … the little boy squirrel we had rescued on Sunday is now happy and doing well – he had just had his lunch of squirrel formula and was fast asleep in his little box. So all is well, for the moment, in ardilla-landia. (in Spanish they are ardillas though Arnold calls them “esquirlos” which cracks Rosa up).

The Critter Squad folks did tell us that often squirrels have litters in threes, so there may be yet another baby squirrel lurking out in Wendy’s garden. No squealing or scrambling around upstairs at this moment, but we remain on high alert.

The Angel of Mercy

Two hours and fifty minutes on Alaska Airlines and I am in an entirely different universe…the Ancestral Homeland, the San Fernando Valley in Los Angeles, where I spent much of my childhood, at my sister Wendy’s house.  Broad avenues, tree-shaded streets, houses without ten-foot walls to protect them from god knows what predator or threat. Everyone can drive really fast because – well, no cobblestones, and no pedestrians, no dogs or livestock to watch out for, no street vendors, no taco stands in the calle, and no buses. If there ARE foot-deep potholes, somehow they seem to get fixed quickly, unlike the one I hit a few months ago that blew out our right front tire and left us stranded at sundown on the side of the road driving back from Guadalajara with a car full of Costco stuff.  (As is often the case in Mexico, two incredibly nice government topographers on their way home from work on the highway above us took pity on us and stopped to help, but we’ve been wary of that road ever since).

Well, they do have buses here but one hardly ever sees them. Wide lanes, and everyone has to get wherever they are going as quickly as they can because they know that once they leave the residential area and get on the freeway, they could be stuck there inching along for hours. So where they can drive fast, they do. But it all seems to work in its weird L.A. way.

There is no noise, either, except for the sound of the occasional car starting up – some poor devil who has to leave home at 5 a.m. to get to work on time. Not the raucous morning noises of the birds screaming in the trees, the various trucks advertising their wares with megaphones, the incessant crowing of roosters (they do not start at dawn, contrary to the folklore, they start at 3 a.m., if they are worth their salt), radios, car stereos. Add to this mix insanely loud fiestas with music amplified by speakers as big as refrigerators, and the roof dogs’ barking at whatever little thing is going on below. The biggest complaint everyone seems to have here is the gardeners’ blowers to which my reaction is “and THAT wakes you up?”  So many of my gringo friends back home have learned to sleep – especially in the summer when you pretty much HAVE to leave your windows open or you suffocate from the heat – with earplugs, white noise machines, running fans. Anything to block out or at least minimize the incessant racket.

However on Sunday morning Wendy and I were sitting having breakfast when there WAS some unexpected noise – the terrified screaming of what turned out to be a baby squirrel one of her cats had captured and brought into her bedroom. Wendy ran upstairs screaming at the unlucky cat to drop his prey. Once released from the kitty’s jaws, Wendy put the baby squirrel quickly into a box where it laid terrified and trembling.  We didn’t see any puncture wounds on him, but we still couldn’t tell if it had any internal injuries or what was really going on, but suckers that we are, we were determined to save its little life if we could; even in his panic he was awfully cute. We covered the box so it would be dark and just peeked inside every so often to see if he was still breathing, which he was – his little sides just heaving in terror. But his eyes were open and pretty bright, and even though he was motionless, he was still clearly alive.

Here is what they have in my sister’s neighborhood which we don’t have back home: an outfit called The Critter Squad, which Wendy found after a few frantic calls to friends and some anxious searching online about “how to rescue an injured squirrel”.  After Wendy got in touch with the Critter Squad they sent their truck right out along with delightful young Jeffrey, a volunteer maybe in his twenties or early thirties who is, as it turned out, extremely knowledgeable about wildlife rescue. He examined the baby squirrel and actually told us what kind of squirrel he was – definitely a male. It also turned out that he was a European Fox Squirrel, a species not native to the Valley, which is running all the native squirrels out of their habitat here. Oh great, we both thought, so we should have let him die after all? This darling little baby thing is an invader? It is just so ridiculously complicated. It had been very windy, as it often is here, and his nest probably blew down from one of the tall trees or he just fell out. Jeffrey noted that usually the fall injures them or kills them, but this little guy might just have been incredibly lucky, notwithstanding his adventures with the cat who found him, probably dazed on the lawn.

Indeed as we were getting our biology lesson on squirrel species and habitats from Jeffrey, the baby began to crawl around in the box and it seemed  that – un milagro! – he was going to be okay. We just put ourselves into Jeffrey’s hands and asked “what will you guys do with him now?” Not to worry, invader or not, he was a tiny terrified living thing who apparently had nothing wrong with him beyond being traumatized. Without expecting a penny from us (though we did make a contribution), The Critter Squad would take care of him, feed him the correct formula for a baby squirrel, and if he had no injuries from his fall that would prevent it, at the appropriate time he would be released back into the wild. If, however, it turned out that he had a bum leg or something like that, he would become part of their education program for kids. So, I joked with my sister, not only did they come promptly to the house, rescue him, and promise him therapy, but he may well have a job offer with a lifetime contract! What a deal! Soon the box with the baby squirrel, wrapped gently in an old towel because he was cold and dehydrated, was whisked away in the gaily painted “Critter Squad” van to his new life. No, Dorothy, we are not in Mexico any more.

It occurred to usually cynical me that our morning had all the lessons of an adventure of mythic proportions. Here was pure evil, in a sense – an overfed house cat who probably could live on the Friskies stored on his body for months trying to kill a little baby thing for the sheer instinctual pleasure of it. One gets it that “that’s what cats do” but it doesn’t make it any more fun when they bring the terrified and helpless tiny creature into your house. Wendy and I both see ANY baby thing and go “awwww” like so many people do.

But then, as we frantically try to figure out what to do on a Sunday morning – call a shelter? Call a vet? Who would be around to guide us? —  we find out about this wonderful outfit. Within an hour the Angel of Mercy arrives at the house and the evil is outshone by pure goodness as the baby’s life is saved. It is so indiscriminate and weird . Here a life is saved by this wonderful young man in an exquisite act of compassion, giving up his Sunday morning to help us, and how many people in Mexico, Syria, god knows where else, get randomly mown down today?

The philosophical lessons implied in this adventure were all too complicated for us to fathom so after we returned to our morning coffee  (a bit like Scarpia going back to his dinner with Tosca after arranging for the torture of Cavaradossi, though with a far happier outcome), we decided we needed some trauma treatment ourselves, and planned a therapeutic visit to the mall. Sic Transit Gloria Mundi!

The Baby Squirrel!

A visit to the funeraria…

I am busy getting myself ready to decamp for the States for a couple of weeks, and inevitably we are faced with the reality of my poor mother’s ever-so-slowly deteriorating condition. It is awful to see her lying in bed, blind, incontinent, unable to speak, and with just enough dementia so that she is pretty confused about what is going on when she briefly emerges from her fog. The rest of the time – which is the majority now – she just sleeps. She has the world’s best care and when she is able to speak – just a tiny little whisper – she reassures us that she is not in any pain. So we just wait, and watch, and try to keep her comfortable.

If “something happens” to her (what a weird euphemism for “death”) Arnold will be left having to deal with the arrangements, at least till my sister and I can get back here. So I got in touch with the funeral home that handled the arrangements for my father a year ago. I said “I’m leaving town, what documents will you need from us in case “something happens” to my mother.  The owner of the funeral home reminded me of what I needed to bring (passport, some other items) and I said I’d run them over to her today, so I gathered it all up, stuck it in an envelope with a cover letter, and off I went into town.

I parked and walked a few blocks to the funeraria and when I went in, there was an entire family – maybe eight people – clustered around the various coffins on display – the kids running everywhere and playing. They were picking out a coffin and making arrangements about someone – but they were either very happy this person had finally croaked or they were just – well – evincing the Mexican attitude toward death, which is so different from our own. It’s destino, when it’s your time, it’s your time, and that’s kind of IT. In any event, there was much laughter, much chattering back and forth, much tsk-tsking of the little kids for being too irreverent darting around the stacked coffins. After I walked in and waited for a few seconds, the owner stopped her conversation with the bereaved family, and ran over to greet me when she saw me, throwing her arms around me and welcoming me into the shop. No black suits and white boutonnieres here; the funeral director herself was clad in skin tight white short shorts (it WAS a bit warm out today!) a hoodie, a baseball cap with her long ponytail sticking out the back, and pink sneakers. Her niños were hanging out in there too, running around with the bereaved family’s kids.

I handed her all the documents and she said “This is all fine, this will make the whole process very simple when the time comes. Don’t worry, Señora Jillian, we’ll take care of everything.” Which I know she will; while everything was definitely “a la Mexicana”, they were a model of efficiency when my dad died. He would have howled with laughter at the slightly bashed-up white hearse (with angels painted on the back) that took him off to the crematorium in Guadalajara. And the two older sons – in jeans and t-shirts – that loaded him –with as much solemnity as two teenagers could muster – onto the stretcher and into the back of the hearse. Mexico is a never-ending “take your child to work day” sort of place. But they were indeed prompt and efficient and respectful. It is a family business and those boys will be the directors themselves one day, I’m sure. Unless they go the way of much of the Mexican middle class and become doctors or lawyers. But maybe not. After all, the family owns a completely recession-proof business, which is probably a good thing in these crazy times.

A Little Breather….

It’s been pretty quiet narco-wise and crime-wise for the last few days, ever since the narcobloqueo in Guadalajara where all the streets were blockaded and buses burned as a sort of commentary and communiqué from the cartel guys on the capture of one of their big capos a few days ago. They even left apology letters around town, sorry for the horrific traffic mess and the burned buses and all, we just wanted you folks out there to know how we felt about this whole arrest-of-our-leader thing. One could just laugh except that two people died, including one of the drivers of the municipal buses they burned. It’s pretty surreal.

But after staying close to home for a couple of days “just in case” something weird happened in our neck of the woods, an hour away from the city, I poked my head out of my paranoid shell long enough to realize that it is breathtakingly beautiful here now, our garden is resplendent and Carlos, the gardener, has planted a bunch of new seedlings that have “taken” which of course they never would have back in our old life in Santa Fe. I had thrown some tomato peels into our compost pile – I guess there were stray seeds in them – because now we have two or three strapping, healthy tomato plants growing! In fact reports are that Santa Fe is still very windy and cold. Our biggest debate here is whether or not we should sleep with both bedroom windows open or just one of them. Rosa and I folded up the winter blanket and stored it in its box till the fall. Happy equinox!

Arnold has survived his skin cancer surgery – the biopsies came back negative gracias a dios – and it looks like his forehead is going to heal up very nicely; America is back in her ballet classes again after a short break; Sofia got over the awful flu she had and is back in school.  I reorganized my bathroom drawers so all my makeup is easier to find, put the winter clothes in the back of the closet and found the box where the bathing suits are. Somehow life is going on despite the two big elephants in the room; the ongoing drug wars and the ever-closer presence of the narcos to our little paradise here; and the steady decline of my poor mother, who just fails ever-so-slightly every week with no end in sight. We are taking turns traveling now because one of us probably needs to be here in case we get “the call” – so I am heading up to Los Angeles next week for a bit of a break, to be with my sister and have some retail therapy and other fun with the family and friends. Arnold will stay here and hold down the fort with Reina and the kitties till I get back.

A big tradition here for is “Primavera” – Spring – where the schools all put on festivals and the little kids all dress up as animals, bugs, flowers, bees. Just adorable. Carlos’ pre-school is putting on their festival this Friday and he is going to be a sheep. How cute will that be? The little girls are all going to be cows, or so we have been told, and the older kids will be farmers. They are all busy working on their costumes. As part of the festivities each child was asked by the teacher to give a report on what his/her favorite animal was. Gaby (Rosa’s middle daughter and Carlos’ mom) asked him which animal he was going to pick – Kitten?  Doggie? No, said Carlos, “la girafa” – the giraffe. Where he got that idea no one knows but he is looking for pictures of giraffes and is working on his report. We think we should make a plan to take him to the Guadalajara zoo so he can see a REAL giraffe, one of these days.

We went out tonight with friends and the restaurant fixed a bathtub-sized margarita which I could barely lift, let alone drink! And I was REALLY BAD and ate a tortilla, on top of the margarita. Oh well! You can’t be perfect all the time. Can a margarita and one tortilla make you regain seventy pounds?

Not So Aerobic…

Today was a “domestic duty” day; spent the day waiting for various repair people which is a common thing everywhere, I suppose, but the WAITING part is especially big here in Mexico. First the alarm people were supposed to come and they actually – mirabile dictu– did what they said they were going to do and showed up mas-o-menos on time to service our alarm. Then my next job was to wait for the stove repair guys to fix my oven which has been AWOL for six weeks. It’s good that I am on a low carb diet because ain’t nothin’ gonna get baked in THAT oven. It went nuts without any prodding from me; decided it wanted to clean itself but after it locked its door it blew its internal circuitry up completely so it is not only completely locked but dead as a doornail. Parts had to be specially ordered for it. I spent the whole day hanging around waiting for the repair crew who kept saying they were on their way; but when they finally did show up, around 5, they said they just wanted to drop the parts OFF but they would be back tomorrow to actually do the work. The logic escapes me but they did come all the way from Guadalajara so maybe they just wanted to get back before the traffic got too insane. So I get to wait for them again mañana.

It’s okay, I don’t really mind. It is gorgeous in our garden and it’s warming up, and one is retired, after all. It’s not like I took time off work to wait for them. And it gave me time to do one little task I thought might help me with the workout routine – I gather from my exercise book that I am supposed to go through all these weightlifting exercises in a circuit, racing like mad from one to the other to keep my heart rate up. That would be fine except I really do forget where I am in the whole process and by the time I sort out which exercise, how many reps, check my “form” in the mirror and put something back down on the book so it doesn’t flop around and lose my place as I pick up where I left off, my heart rate has most assuredly gone back down. Not so aerobic. So I made lists and copied the pictures of the impossibly thin and fit smiling young gym rats doing these exercises and I can keep them in front of me, in order, while I’m doing the workout so I don’t leave anything out. Hopefully it will help.

Meanwhile I have been going through some old family photos – listening to Mahler’s 2nd on the radio, which is always perfect but especially so for gazing at photos of deceased-and-nearly deceased parents who were complicated and difficult at times but whom you still loved. Seeing the pictures of my parents (and us!) on one of our trips to Europe – Bayreuth, actually, to see the opera – all dressed up in our fancy duds and having a great time – is hard. There are wonderful pictures of all of us eating all sorts of pasta in Italy, my parents sitting together on a bench under a tree at Wahnfried, Wagner’s house, and pictures of Arnold and me – much younger too, obviously.  The twisted thing in my mind is that I get it that my parents look young and in their prime, Arnold looks young and in HIS prime, resplendent in his tuxedo, and I look, well,…..WORSE than I do how. Huh? As they say, I hate it when that happens.

And who could have predicted, back then, how all this would come to an end – or at least how my parents’ lives would end. In my most financial-planner-who-catastrophizes-everything mode, we’re gonna go broke, we’ll be homeless unless we fund those IRA’s, etc. etc., even I never imagined that my dad would suffer whatever dementia finally killed him after years of mystifying decline, and my mother now blind, bedridden, incontinent, unable to speak. Honestly, it is beyond horrible to live with the reality of it every day and there is nothing, absolutely nothing, we could or would have done differently. With my father’s death last year and my mother for all intents and purposes a vegetable now (albeit a superbly tended vegetable – she has the best care in the world), the outcome, at least thus far, makes you wonder what the point of all of it is. Of course listening to Mahler may or may not help this mood I’m in. But there you have it.

On a more practical level, though, in the simplest terms, watching both of them decline has made me feel more strongly than ever that whatever you can do to fight “senectud” and decay off, you really ought to do. Or at least give it the old college try. So I got up early and did my workout and now I will have my little homemade guide to the exercises before me to make sure I don’t mess up. One thing about those old photos is that they included a bunch of the “old” me and while I know I must have weighed that much, from my vantage point now, decades later, it doesn’t seem quite possible. But I guess as they say, photos don’t lie. In more recent photos I look much better, except that now I’ve got wrinkles everywhere, including, of course, where the weight has come off. I’m dying my hair now (have done the gray thing and I just don’t feel like MYSELF with gray hair, at least not yet!) and my eyesight isn’t what it used to be; I’m not thrilled about night driving any more, either.  I bet every woman who loses a lot of weight in her fifties or sixties feels like she somehow was robbed of some part of her youth, when she could have felt prettier, sparklier, sexier, whatever, but she was in a place where for whatever reason, she wasn’t ready or able to deal with the whole thing, so time goes by and before you know it you are in your 60’s or your 70’s and the reasons for losing weight are much more about keeping yourself alive and hopefully pain-free than fitting into those Calvins. I missed the whole Calvins thing big-time. Rats.

What a colossal waste.

Adios Thirty Kilos

Me and Mom in Venice 1993

The good news about this photo: I’m in a gondola in Venice with my mother. The bad news:  At that point I weighed close to 200 lbs.

I’ve had a “weight problem” ever since I can remember. Growing up in Los Angeles in the ‘fifties and ‘sixties, with a dad who worked in television, meant that no matter how thin I got (and I tried Weight Watchers, fasting, amphetamines, and everything in between), I was never thin enough. I was never going to be long-limbed and blond; I could go down to Malibu beach and watch the surfer girls ride the waves and listen to the Beach Boys all I wanted, but I could not turn myself into one of those mysterious creatures.  Of course I knew that on many levels, I didn’t actually WANT to be one of them, but I envied their ease with their bodies, their strength, their tiny bikinis, their tans, how easily they fit into the prevailing ideal for California Girl Beauty. The fact that even at fifteen, I was an intellectual whose most physical activity was pawing through the classical music bins at our local record store, never stopped me from wishing I could be like “them”.  Ongoing pressure from my parents about my weight didn’t help. They were sure no one would marry me (someone did) and that I’d be crippled in my attempts to find a good career (I wasn’t). They had my best interests at heart, but their “concern” about every morsel I put into my mouth and my size made my teenage and college years not-so-much fun, a struggle dominated by endless diets and pills and self-hatred.

By the time I hit my fifties, I, who am five feet tall on a good day, found myself weighing nearly 200 pounds. My grandmother and aunt died of complications from diabetes, my mother developed it too. But still I was blocked about what I could do that might actually work and not destroy my health, and became hopelessly stuck after a scary ride on fen-phen. But somehow, a few years ago, I was able to approach the massive project of taking it off with some strength and commitment. Bit by bit I have slogged away at it, with  several “vacations” from the journey caused by horrific stresses in my personal and professional life. Despite the “time-outs”, with perseverance and a lot of experimentation, I have managed to drop close to 70 pounds by now. I still have a way to go but the worst of it is over. Of course people want to know how I have done it, but there hasn’t been any specific formula or program; it’s been my own weird variations on Dr. Atkins, Paleo, the Primal Blueprint, and being patient with many plateaus and stops and starts along the way.  Thus far, I have managed to bash my way from size 20 pants down to 10 petites, and there is no denying how much fun I have had – pobrecita! – HAVING to replace every single item in my closet – down to the underwear – with stuff I can fit into now. And normal sizes! Shopping in the regular sizes – what a blast!

But now I am in the “you’d better add exercise” phase because my skin is hanging off me in places, and at age 65 I was starting to have some of the aches and pains that plague so many people “our” age. It’s great that we can get a 50% discount on bus tickets with our “senectud/Third Age” old age cards from the Mexican government, but it IS sort of a memento mori to have been able to apply for them. Climbing up stairs was starting to hurt, my back was starting to hurt, all that stuff. Arnold also said he wanted to do something so we began working out with a personal trainer three times a week. But our trainer loves to travel, so I figured that I’d better just bash myself over the head (counts as exercise!) and put together a routine I can do by myself if/when he nips off for a week or two. My sister treated me to some dumbbells while she was here last week and I bought some ankle weights and a barbell and now I’m trying to decipher the worldview of the person who actually USES this stuff and works out a few times a week.

It’s all trial and error. If you read books (of course I have an intellectual’s approach to all this, spending weeks READING about it before I would actually do anything, god help us, physical) some of them say “a 65 year old can do just about anything a 35 year old can do” but there are also books and websites that say “over 65 you have to be really careful” and everything in between. Who knows? I guess you have to be your own lab rat. So far I have indeed been cautious, as I’ve gotten injured on these physical fitness forays in the past and I do have any aging person’s share of leftover weird stuff from having been rear-ended a few times, bad feet and a wrecked ankle, bouts with sciatica, and so forth.

But our trainer got us going with very light weights and neither of us got injured or horribly stiff as we edged sideways, sort of crablike, into our little beginner’s fitness regimens. But now I’m ready for more.  My original “fitness goal” of being able to lift my heavy Kitchenaid stand mixer out of its lower cabinet up onto the counter with ease has been met. Where do I go from here? Ironically, pretty much the only thing I used the Kitchenaid for was baking or making mashed potatoes with its cool balloon whip attachment, and that’s been long thrown out the window on a low carb diet, so I may as well replace THAT object-to-lift with something else. Enter the barbell.

So I spent last evening working on an exercise chart, how many reps and sets of which exercise (here is where the “senectud” comes in, I lose count along the way).  I am going to try for four or five circuit workouts a week using a tattered old Gold’s Gym weightlifting book from the 70’s (have had it for years) as my guide. I figure they ought to know about this stuff and that book seems as good as any.

Wish me luck!

 

Hunkering down, I guess

After a busy day running all my domestic errands came home, and checked the news…. turns out there were narcoblockades today all over Guadalajara’s main roads, blocking traffic in and out of the city with burning vehicles, even some sort of incident on the carretera to Chapala not too far from where we live.  Supposedly the federales just arrested two guys who worked — fairly high up in the structure, one gathers — for Chapo and this madness today was the cartels’ revenge. They blockaded every artery going into or out of the city. The folks who analyze these things say “this is their way of waving a red flag in front of a bull, saying to the government, “See, we can shut down the second largest city in Mexico in a matter of hours, don’t mess with us…” Glad I wasn’t in town today! I feel sorry for the people who did go in for some reason or another. No expat hurt or assaulted or anything like that, but it’s so stressful having to deal with it when these things happen; the expat webboards are lit up with what’s going on and rumors are flying. We’re an hour away from Guadalajara and we don’t go often (Costco runs mostly), but when we do, we have to take one of the main highways in, and both the roads we customarily take had various incidents this afternoon. It IS getting worse here, but as Arnold says “okay, great, but what are we supposed to do?” Our lives are here now, at least for the moment, and mostly it’s beautiful, warm and tranquil. But not today.

We are supposed to go to a cocktail party tomorrow night, but at right now I’m thinking maybe I don’t want to be out on the main drag into the village after dark till things settle down.  Fortunately I did all my shopping today and we have enough in the house so I can enjoy the garden and the gorgeous weather, which has suddenly turned warm after a couple of cold spells. As part of my ongoing battle to manage my weight and attain some degree of physical fitness, I recently bought some weights and took out some dog-eared “weight training for senior women” books from the local English-language library. With our personal trainer gone on a three-week cruise with his partner, I’m bound and determined not to lose ground while he is away. So perhaps I will spend the weekend flailing around with an exercise book in one hand and a dumbbell in the other trying to figure out what I’m supposed to do. It’s so much easier when someone says “go to this machine and do so many sets and so many reps” — and you go into this mindless place where you just obey and get your hour workout over with. When you are trying to figure it out for yourself, you have to figure out which limbs you’ve moved and which you haven’t and all that. No wonder I never could get the exercise thing happening until I saw my mother go blind and become permanently bedridden from diabetes. That has made it crystal clear that I may flail around and maybe do some things not-quite-correctly, but flail, in some form or fashion, I must. Maybe this will occupy my attention till the news from the outside world is a little less disturbing, if it ever will be again in my lifetime.

It’s March, when it always starts to warm up around here. We have oranges on our tree, tons of bananas, limones, and we even have a mango tree too – usually the worms and the tlacuaches (opossums) get them before we do, but now I am wondering if I should go out to the garden and see if ours are ready….

A Week of Sun ‘n’ Surf…

Back home after a sunny, warm week in Puerto Vallarta – a five and a half hour bus ride for us, first through the scuzzy, graffiti’d outskirts of Guadalajara, then on through the agave fields of Jalisco (with a nod to Puccini and Fanciulla del West, Tequila per Tutti!) and then descending through the jungles of Nayarit to the coast. A lot of people say they get a bit of motion sickness on the bus and I can see why! The last (or first) part of it as you go through the mountains is pretty intense. But Aeromexico wanted eight hundred bucks for Arnold and me to fly (a lot of dough for a forty-minute flight!) and with our Mexican “senior discount” cards the bus price was about twenty bucks each way! We said we’d take the bus and save our money for playing once we got there. The tickets have a place on them where it says what class of passenger you are (adult, child, etc) and ours said “Senectud” since we’d purchased them with our “third age” cards – I thought the implication of senility about described it.

Anyway it was a lot of fun spending time with my sister Wendy, who met us there after a couple of grueling weeks’ work back in the States. We all were ready to decompress from various and sundry stressful things in our lives, most notably the ongoing and agonizingly slow decline of our mother, who is now blind, incontinent, and permanently bedridden. More on all that in another post I am sure, but the big news of the day in Puerto Vallarta was that 22 tourists on a bus tour  had been robbed at gunpoint and all of a sudden now even Puerto Vallarta is on the list of places it’s not safe for Americans to visit. So the poor Mexican economy will take it on the chin again, we are afraid. We feel perfectly safe there, as do lots of other people. Everyone says tourism is down but we sure saw a lot of people wandering along the malecon by the sea, shopping bags in hand. And at the resort where we stayed (we go every year), admittedly we didn’t see the numbers of folks that we have seen before all the cartel stuff started, but there were enough people in town so that one wanted reservations for dinner at the favorite places. Interestingly, this year we saw many more Mexicans vacationing there with their families than before. They say that’s who’s buying up real estate here around Lake Chapala, too….not retiring expats as everyone had expected a few years ago, but Mexicans. Some of them escaping the horrific stress of the northern cities, but some of them just wanting a nice “casa de campo” by the water in our pretty village.

The three of us enjoyed the beautiful weather and the warm pool and being waited on hand and fist and then came back here to discover that spring is springing here, too. No horrid crimes in any of the newspapers (except even our local weekly reported on the robbery in Puerto Vallarta, of course) so a bit of reprieve from the ongoing tension there. The jacaranda trees along the carretera are coming out in brilliant purple and this evening Arnold invited me to sit out with him on our terrace for awhile – the first time it’s been warm enough in the evenings to do that since – well, last fall. The white roses in our garden look stunning, almost illuminated from within, in the twilight, and the hummingbirds are definitely coming back already. The kitties and Reina the Purebred Mexican Street Dog were happy to have us home and there was much purring, licking and tail-wagging and such.

Now, back to reality, alas!  We can remind ourselves of how terrible PV was by watching the attached video of the view from our balcony. Can’t wait till we get to go back!